Archive | November 2016

Female Arousal

Arousal in general can be due to a stimuli be it mental or physical, & the internal variation of hormones. Sexual arousal has many stages.

 

What may make men aroused differs from what makes women aroused, from my readings many studies had been done in labs to find out what turns on each sex, some studies had shown that heterosexual men were turned on from merely watching sexual activity going on between (a man & a woman), on the other hand one study states that some women were turned on from watching sexually activity taking place between (women & animals), but the study didn’t exactly specify or state what was the sexual preference for those women.

 

I also came across another expert that mentions the following ‘Physical arousal isn’t a proof that a woman is turned on & that in order to get a woman hot & bothered, you have to start from top.

 

So what makes a woman turned on? This varies from one woman to another; it’s unique for each one, more like how each individual has their own finger print, preferences, & also sexual experience. It’s also important & worth mentioning that women do vary in the amount of time needed in order for them to be fully aroused, this can range from 20 to 45 minutes.

 

 

There’s one key hormone which plays an important factor in female sexual drive although it might be thought of as a man hormone (TESTOSTERONE), this is a very important hormone for female sexual drive & also for arousal (It’s said that there’re still studies taking place to determine the importance of the hormone for female sexual drive), & as women grow older their bodies produce half the amounts that it used to produce when they were younger. Absence of or low amounts of testosterone in women is said to lead to low sex drive according to some studies.

 

According to one Relationship Counsellor and Sex Therapist there’re four types of female arousal:

  • The Sensual Type
  • The Cognitive Type
  • The Intimacy Type
  • The Attractor Type

 

Females can also suffer from various forms of arousal disorders.

 

Reference:

  1. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/petra-zebroff/sexual-arousal-types-what-is-yours_b_1945808.html
  2. http://www.healthywomen.org/content/article/hormones-desire?page=2
  3. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_arousal
  4. https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-sex-and-babies/201105/why-do-women-get-physically-aroused-and-not-even-know-it
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Quote

 

When you rape, beat, maim, mutilate, burn, bury, and terrorize women, you destroy the essential life energy on the planet. You force what is meant to be open, trusting, nurturing, creative, and alive to be bent, infertile, and broken.

Eve Ensler – TVM

Violence against women & girls, will it ever end?!

This is from a graduation project  I did in 2016 in a research training scholarship:

(Violence against women and girls is considered a human rights violation that sweeps many parts of the world as a dangerous epidemic that needs all joint efforts and resources combined together to put an end to it. Per the UN, seven out of every ten women has experienced physical and/or sexual violence at some stage in their lifetime and sixty million girls marry before the age of eighteen globally. These numbers illuminate the severity of the phenomena that we are researching, and leave no room for underestimating it, taking or dealing with it lightly or turning a blind eye to it. Despite all advancements made by human beings, unfortunately when it comes to violence against women and girls, we are shamefully lagging behind. Those numbers cannot be ignored or simply swept under the rug.

Violence against women and girls will not end in a day, and will take years and years to finally be eradicated. Like the millions of doctors who take pride in having eradicated ‘Polio’; this too can be eradicated, with dedicating sincere diligent efforts and through hard work. Violence against women and girls can be ended and eradicated, with billions of human beings taking pride that they have achieved that milestone.)

 

I preach about love, brotherhood, humanity, compassion, empathy, sympathy, & many other great beautiful things, but guess what none of those great things I do for others & which I truly believe in myself,  had been practiced by others towards me! & it will make your heart bleed if you just hear what I had been through & still see till this very day. The amount of pain, suffering , harm, injustice, abuse, assault, harassment, & hurt that I went through & still witness is unimaginable!

It’s as if everyone who comes my way had taken a sacred oath or on a holy mission to do whatever harm, hurt, abuse, assault, harassment, destruction that they can towards me!

 

I want to call myself a ‘SURVIVOR’ of ‘Violence Against Women & Girls’, but I guess my tale with violence has not yet ended, it will end one day God willing, but I survived death (falling from the seventh floor), & my precious life was saved from death for a greater purpose that I’ve to fulfill, & to also tell the tale of Samia Hassan, what was done to her & find out why did it all happen in the first place?

I’ve seen many kinds of violence, from different types of people, people from different faiths & religions (asked myself each time why didn’t their religion, faith, principles, ethics or any other thing stop them from harming me?!),  from people who were close to me & others who weren’t, be it at home, street, university, work,at a small course, even the supermarket! & then because of a bigger kind of violence, one where many people participated in I got disability, many kinds of life long injuries & trauma.

The big theme that many of those stories of violence shared & had in common was: they all wanted to force me into doing something beyond my will, something that usually involved relationships with men.

After analyzing the situation at home & in my country that had denied me employment for nearly three years violence is practiced against me in hope that I’ll then run away from home or from the difficulty of the hardships of unemployment, & throw myself at any man who will offer me a roof over my head, & the lifestyle I desire & aim to have! But all their attempts are doomed to fail. Or maybe at worse case scenario they think I’ll turn to a man & seek his protection from all that is happening with/to me!(How come when most my problems come from men & the women who aid them?!)

 

It’s not been a very easy journey for me at most times, & all that I wanted was/is to live a dignified , honorable, safe, meaningful, & fulfilling live like many people. One where  I DO NO HARM TO ANYONE NOR ANYONE HARMS ME.

 

I always believed & practiced (That if I can’t help someone then I shouldn’t by any means harm them.), but many humans aren’t like this!

 

So let’s define what violence against women & girls is(This is from a graduation project  I did in 2016 in a research training scholarship:

Violence is defined as follows:
[T]he intentional use of physical force or power, threatened or actual, against oneself, another person, or against a group or community, that either results in or has a high likelihood of resulting in injury, death, psychological harm, maldevelopment, or deprivation. (WHO int, 2016)
Violence against women and girls is one of the most systematic and widespread human rights violations. It is rooted in gendered social structures rather than individual and random acts; it cuts across age, socio-economic, educational and geographic boundaries; affects all societies; and is a major obstacle to ending gender inequality and discrimination globally (UN General Assembly, 2006).

 

This is another definition from the internet:

The United Nations defines violence against women as “any act of gender-based violence that results in, or is likely to result in, physical, sexual or psychological harm or suffering to women, including threats of such acts, coercion or arbitrary deprivation of liberty, whether occurring in public or in private life”

 

Why do men do this? Why others aid them in practicing such human rights crimes ?  Can violence against women & girls be ended? Plus many other elements will the next topic I’ll discuss.

 

 

“Content Warning” (Bedrooms & Women 2)

Nora’s Fourth  Marriage:

She can’t remember when exactly did he leave, she passed out when he had beaten her last night; on their first night as a husband & wife! Is that what marriage is all about?! How come she’s the one that ends up every time with all the kinds of wrong men?!  She’s wearing the strange pieces of clothes he forced her to wear last night; she looked more as a prostitute not at all a wife & most certainly not a loved & cherished one. The bed sheets & pillows were covered with blood; her blood, there’s blood between her thighs, all the way down to her ankles, she looked at her chest it was full of blue marks, with nail marks everywhere & on her breasts, she’s bruised all over her body, that was more of a rape not love making. He began hitting when he asked her to perform weird things, talk dirty, beside many other obscene details.

Getting up & out of bed was extremely painful, when her feet hit the ground, a strange dreadful sound escaped her lips, the sound of a wounded & bleeding animal, dragging herself she went into the bathroom she filled the bath tub with hot water, & grabbed nearby bottles, without thinking, reading or looking at the labels she emptied then into the water, then sank into the water, she was crying now, praying that the water & pleasant scents will cleanse her of last night incidents & wash away any other odour on her body that belongs to that pervert .

She’s trying to remember any clues that she missed during their engagement, any abnormal, lewd or violent behaviours & tendencies, then one particular image came to her mind, they’re in party & there’s this very innocent good looking teen that her husband had been hovering around during that night & she caught him more than once sending him lustful glances, but at the time she shrugged the thought away & dropped it completely from her mind. How can such handsome successful man who’s about t to marry her be lusting after young boys?!

She remained in the water until it became icy, then got out of the water, laid on the bathroom’s floor, tears started to falling again, then she shouted into the empty bathroom, what was that?!  What was he trying to prove? That he’s some sort of a criminal & an animal?! She couldn’t move her arms, her legs were dead, and she felt like she had been hit by a train or thrown under one, that wasn’t what a wedding night should be like, right now she feels she’d been raped!

Last night he opened a bag that he picked from underneath the bed, it was full of drugs & alcoholic drinks, then he started mixing strange things together & then taking them, he raised his glass & then said to her ‘Come join me it will make you bolder & more sexier.’

Her face went pale from shock & fear, her voice shaking she told him she isn’t a fan of such things & he shouldn’t be doing what he’s doing.

‘You’re a party spoiler, if you can’t join, then shut up.’

This wasn’t her fiancé that used to say the sweetest words & do the most romantic things a man can do to his woman! So this is the real man behind the mask he wore for her & wears for everyone else.

Nora couldn’t believe what happened, she’s trying to remember the craziness that took place in the bedroom last night but she can’t fully bring the memory it’s very shocking & horrible, her body was shaking involuntarily, she started asking herself ‘If she should had told him what she liked instead of playing the dump shy virgin would things had been different?!’  No, this is no ordinary man, he was hiding all the time, he’s a ‘Pervert.’

She pressed her body hard against the cold floor hoping that its coldness will diffuse into her feverish body! She’s feeling ill, & she wants to spend the remaining of the day in such position.

After his abhorrent behaviour & before hitting , assaulting & beating her, she told him he’s a pig & she doesn’t want to stay with him, she picked herself up to change her cloth & to go her family’s house, then he came from behind pulled her from the hair, slapped her multiple times his face turning into the face of a villain saying to her ‘ No woman was yet born to defy me, I’ve heard all the stories about you & I’ve studied you so well, there’s nowhere on earth you can escape to, you’ve no idea what I’ve planned for you, & you’re right am a pig & so is your family add to that everyone else, this time if you plan to escape your marriage; you’ll be placed in a mental asylum, my brother the doctor who you describe always as your guardian angel & some other people had already told everyone that you’re unstable, along with very well known religious clerics who are a mixture of friends & relatives, powerful clan elders  & your family we’ll made this master plan, don’t forget to add my white friends & acquaintances too’ He then added ‘Did you think that I’ll let you into my life & then place all my secrets on table to you without a plan B?!’

‘Now open your legs for me & make me happy or prepare to live the rest of your life at the mental asylum!’ Those were his last words to her before he suddenly started hitting her, & then her whole world fall into complete darkness.